It is in this stillness of the night that my mind refuses to rest, and keeps whirring at a multitude of thoughts..
I think of how I think of dad everyday
How each time my he comes into my mind tears well up in my eyes
How the moment comes without warning, hitting my heart with a profound sadness and yearning for him.
Only 28 years of my life I had a dad. Out of that 6 years was spent away from home.
Moments like this I surrender my heart and soul to the pain I don’t know how to relieve.
I will always be missing you dad. I just can’t bring myself to say it aloud most of the time, I’m trying too hard to stop the tears from falling ;(
I celebrated my first birthday without my dad. I truly miss the moment of receiving my first birthday greeting every year on the card he will slip under my door, with a text to wish me. My dad was always the first person to write me my card. And sadly this year, the first year that he was gone.. There was no card for me as how it used to be. Because daddy’s gone and no one else cared in that way.
Been away because I’m struggling to find a way to live, let alone write. I’m still missing my dad so much, I guess that’s not gonna change.what I could hope for is to cope better with it.
It is at times of great adversities that the distinction between the true friends who really cares..and the ones who do it out of guilt become really blatant. I’m blessed to have many true friends to stand beside me and hold my hand through this horrible ordeal, so I don’t really need your guilt upon me..and you don’t need to pretend either. And yes, if you think I’m speaking right at you, well maybe I am.
I will always always love my dad. Someday I’ll be able to write beautiful things and speak of the wonderful memories with him. But right now I need to figure out a way to fix my life and my heart.
I will be back when I’m able to write again, soon.
Spent the weekend away from home with these wonderful people who’ve known me for ages, friends who have been with me through college, uni, a few relationships, Europe trips..
Met Ck!to think that he used to live 2 floors above me back in Ukraine.he had a habit of going downstairs to the kiosk to buy a carton of milk every night and on the way up he usually pops by my room..sometimes we checkout pretty girls on friendster-that’s me layaning him, sometimes we watch horror movies, because I’ll never watch a horror movie on my own >.< and sometimes we just gossip about whatever happened in class..we went grocery shopping together when I was living alone, and always ate out because he's such a foodie, always craving for something fancy. I'm missing my favourite fish pasta from topor restaurant as I type he's a friend I'm perfectly comfortable with, a friend who has seen me at my worst and yet didn't
And as usual Jing,vv and Cheryl were there to welcome me, there to stand by me when I needed them, they know all my weaknesses and despite that still love me. I stayed a night with my cousin, and she brought me to see a wise elderly lady who told me alot about myself and my life.
A weekend away did me me a lot of good.I felt liberated, and realized that being alone is not so scary after all. I value my independence, and I know someday I’ll be able to embrace the freedom that I’m given.. even though it happened at a time I least expected. But that’s how life is, not everything will turn out as you expected, not everyone will stay with you till the end, and adversities come as they please without warning. The only thing within our control are the choices that we make.
I choose to be happy.
And to cherish the people who didn’t leave when I needed them most.
Though miles may lie between us we are never far apart, for friendship don’t count miles it is measured by the heart
Stumbled upon a quote which I retweeted months ago, how I reminded myself to live by;
If you truly love someone, you’ll put aside foolish pride, fear, regret and worry. Because without them there’s no reason for caring.
But.. It takes two to clap. Just like how when a relationship breaks down, it’s never the fault of only one party.
Simple lesson from this is, well you could do anything and everything but nothing changes if the effort is one sided. Had to learn it the hard way, but can’t expect everything to come easy in life, right?
I’ve been lazy (if it was even possible for me to be lazierrrrr ) but I’m so impressed by the impeccable customer service from Asos.com that i can’t not blog about it. After waiting for almost a month and my order hasn’t arrived so i emailed customer service to inform and after a few mails back and forth finally i received one from them that says they’ve sent out a SECOND shipment of the stuff i ordered, since i did not receive the first. and even refunded me for one of the item which is out of stock. Oh i am so impressed..i don’t even get service like this when i stop in the stores.. over here. And of course.. as how things have to happen.. I RECEIVED my parcel yesterday. Just after receiving the email notifying that they’ve sent out the second parcel -__- So i’ll be returning it to them when i receive it.. in a month’s time? Anyway my kimono jacket is here and i’m happy and satisfied but the sizing runs a bit big. I’m returning a pair of pretty lace shorts because..believe it or not it’s too big on me.
here’s some quick updates. Daddy is..okay, still in the hospital, still requiring TPN and we are waiting for him to recuperate from the previous surgery before going in for the next surgery. Just hoping that in the meanwhile he remains stable with no further complications.
And I have a little good news that i’m not gonna write too much about lest i jinx it >.< time for me to do some homework.. speaking of which I’ve been on leave for so long i’m feeling rather disorientated and half looking forward to starting work again. Might be starting *soon*
It’s not easy having everything that I have turned in the opposite direction; with dad being unwell for so long, and all we can do is be patient. And every other thing that happened at the most inopportune time. To this point of my life I’ve not felt this much that I need to seek my faith , and I am slowly..trying to discover where i belong. Maybe God will seek me instead? and hopefully show me the way. In the meantime i’ll just be good. haha. Try to be good 😉
When life gives you lemons and for some reason you can’t make lemonade, find a recipe for a lemon cake. The secret is to turn bitter into sweet and darkness into light.
I should really start to stop looking forward to anything. Then I wouldn’t feel disappointed.But then again, how do I do that if that’s what keep me going?
i’m rather uncomfortable with the sudden realization that i actually harbor a feeling of such intense dislike, it’s bordering on hate (IF it hasn’t already reach that state) for a particular annoying creature i could not bring myself to label as a human.
there i’ve said it. I HATE HER AND I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT HER. never in my life i have never entertain such delightfully joyful thoughts of misfortune falling upon someone. OH yes, i’m hoping she’ll get her car scratched, choke on a fishball, get an ugly pedicure, grow warts on her face,get her heart broken, get genital herpes ( highly likely, did i mention she’s also a slut?) in the end of everything she’s done, she’s left with nothing and i hope no one is silly enough to fall into her trap. evil conniving bitch.
when it comes to this person the Hippocratic Oath that i took upon graduation just flies out of the window. Oh sorry, if anything happens to her, i can’t bring myself to help her. having her in this world is just a waste of oxygen.
i hope this is not the beginning of some anger issues.this is so unlike me, to be SO ANNOYED by something.
i know someday i’ll be able to forget the anger that i’m harboring and this person would just be another speck of dust in the air. but till then i’m happy staying with hate.