the awesome feeling of being found. it’s addictive and comforting and it makes me happy. and happy is what i need right now. so thank you, thank you for trying to find me all these years but thank God you found me when i needed it most.
still cant believe its you. my thoughts went back to our teenage years of spending our holiday at the beach, your sisters, your mom, your dad.. and how we were kids then. and all these years of living in close proximity, eating in the same places and we’ve not met.
Posted in Life's lesson
Sitting here in Starbucks in my feeble attempt to study (feeble because…see, I’m not studying but blogging instead) I realised that I crave for solitude more than I thought, and I enjoy it better than I would expect. It allows my mind to wonder on its free rein, without the limits and boundaries of the everyday mundane and the sense of responsibility towards the people surrounding me.
I’m reading about stuffs that I’ve learnt during the earlier days, it seems vaguely familiar yet I still need to read it..and I’m feeling like I have such an ageing brain. Finally opened my big moleskine..it’s supposed to be an incentive 😉 and brought my Seville tumbler out today. Miss my Lisbon tumbler which has fallen into the hands of the wrong person (mrF)
Oh and the playlist here is nothing short of amazing, it’s a good mix of Christmas holiday songs and some soulful jazzy sounds..
Back to the books now.
Many words left unsaid because they are inappropriate, many gestures held back because it defies the boundaries, options are ignored because none were right, all these and yet there were no expectations because that’s too dangerous to be flirted with.
Summed up in words, everything seems simpler. Too bad it doesn’t translate into real life.
little did i know someday i’ll be sharing frozen yoghurt with this person. sharing laughter, admitting my mistakes, saying sorry, being territorial, just being me. and then going on our separate ways till we meet ?again. it’s nice not to put an expiry dates on things sometimes. to just go with the flow and see what happens next. i had a few hours of joy being in the company of this person, and I’m not waiting nor expecting another session, just feeling thankful that despite everything that has happened, a few years down the road we could be that two person so happily sharing a (small) tub of frozen yoghurt on a rainy night.
life isn’t exactly sweet yet, but it surprises sometimes. (Garrett popcorn not reaching my hands in the end was not part of the nice surprise :S
taking a step forward is a touchy subject. I’m in no position for a battle, and if moving on is a battle, i shall concede defeat before it even starts. because it is not a race to see who forgets first, or who gets a new someone first. it is not even about forgetting and erasing the relationship and all that was shared. it’s as personal as it is how you heal your soul and comfort the heart that has taken the battering from the broken relationship. moving on is no longer a choice when your heart tells you to stop the hurt, and to start loving yourself because the other person has decided not to anymore. there is no need to be spiteful, no need for drama, no need for name calling or blame. I’m beyond all that.
it’s just a chapter in the past, I’m turning the page but not closing the book 😉
FaceTime is fun. it brings a whole new level of interaction into the conversation. and a certain intimacy about showing the person you are having a conversation with your expression.
just came home from sharing a bottle of red with bestie chen. i love nights like this, and i’m starting to enjoy my drinks again. i guess you can’t really take that away from me.. i’ve abstained somewhat over the past 2 years and now I’m back to enjoying it whenever i want.
watched Immortal a few days ago. funny that i could disappear for a while and when we reconnect things are back to how it used to be, and even more amazing-we’ve known each other for 12 years. that’s crazy. been in and out of each others life throughout. and now he’s back and as amusing as ever.
it’s getting really late(or early-depends on how you see it) and I’m tipsy from the drinks i had(wine does this inexplicable thing to me) so it’s bed time.
ps : can’t wait for Krabi!! chaiwye is coming back home ❤
pps: would you believe it if i told you i might end up in the same hospital as….*ahem* some significant other from my past? it’s just surreal to imagine that..
Spent the weekend away from home with these wonderful people who’ve known me for ages, friends who have been with me through college, uni, a few relationships, Europe trips..
Met Ck!to think that he used to live 2 floors above me back in Ukraine.he had a habit of going downstairs to the kiosk to buy a carton of milk every night and on the way up he usually pops by my room..sometimes we checkout pretty girls on friendster-that’s me layaning him, sometimes we watch horror movies, because I’ll never watch a horror movie on my own >.< and sometimes we just gossip about whatever happened in class..we went grocery shopping together when I was living alone, and always ate out because he's such a foodie, always craving for something fancy. I'm missing my favourite fish pasta from topor restaurant as I type he's a friend I'm perfectly comfortable with, a friend who has seen me at my worst and yet didn't
And as usual Jing,vv and Cheryl were there to welcome me, there to stand by me when I needed them, they know all my weaknesses and despite that still love me. I stayed a night with my cousin, and she brought me to see a wise elderly lady who told me alot about myself and my life.
A weekend away did me me a lot of good.I felt liberated, and realized that being alone is not so scary after all. I value my independence, and I know someday I’ll be able to embrace the freedom that I’m given.. even though it happened at a time I least expected. But that’s how life is, not everything will turn out as you expected, not everyone will stay with you till the end, and adversities come as they please without warning. The only thing within our control are the choices that we make.
I choose to be happy.
And to cherish the people who didn’t leave when I needed them most.
Though miles may lie between us we are never far apart, for friendship don’t count miles it is measured by the heart
Stumbled upon a quote which I retweeted months ago, how I reminded myself to live by;
If you truly love someone, you’ll put aside foolish pride, fear, regret and worry. Because without them there’s no reason for caring.
But.. It takes two to clap. Just like how when a relationship breaks down, it’s never the fault of only one party.
Simple lesson from this is, well you could do anything and everything but nothing changes if the effort is one sided. Had to learn it the hard way, but can’t expect everything to come easy in life, right?