Monthly Archives: November 2008

turn me inside out and u’ll still see the tears

i had a really bad day yesterday.

so bad i cried in front of the specialist

and then again in front of my consultant 😦

 

the shoulder shaking, breathlessly sobbing kinda cry.

 

😦

 

tomorrow im on call again. missing out the free flow event tonight, and that's not even upsetting me.im hoping that i'll be able to go to bed by 8pm tonight.

thursday night i was on call and it was pretty okay, but friday (yesterday) post call i was alone because D* the other HO from my ward took mc. it was horrible because i was so fucking tired and yet i was alone to do everthing. plus im not familiar with alot of things and i was already feeling like shit thinking that there is no end to this every single day i'll have to go back to the hosp, even saturdays and sundays.

today D* took over the morning rounds because she was on call last night (even tho on mc) so i had a break and i didnt have to go. thank God because this little break does wonders to my mind.i know im on call again tomorrow but at least this morning i didnt have to wake up so early, i could catch up abit on lost sleep.

hopefully for the next few weekends we can rotate this way so i get some days off.

i dunno how much longer i can take this..

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Bah.

im so unmotivated 😦

i've only rested/slept for 45 mins in the last 36 hours.

im going crazyyyyyy

 

did my first 'on call' last night.i dont know how im going to be able to do it few times a week regularly *cries*

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today is the 2nd day running

that someone mistook me for a nurse -___-

 

sigh.

i have to work tomorrow too. and on sunday. then monday will be the first time im 'on call'

 

only today i had a little opportunity to get my car sticker, only yesterday i got my name tag, and i havent submitted the forms i have filled to the admin office so that they can process my pay..

today we had a tutorial, and it was really useful and interesting, it was about thrombocytopenia, febrile neutropenia and alot of clinically relevant info about how to transfuse platlets. actually there have been tutorials/lectures everyday. and believe it ornot, i look forward to them because it's the opportunity for me to take a breather from the ward.

going to bed

 

ps : thanks for all the kind words and ccomfort, it makes alot of difference. just that i have no energy to reply them

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Day # 4 of work

the ward im in is crazy!

how on earth did i get myself into Peadiatric Oncology for my very FIRST posting?

 

chemo pot, bone marrow aspirate, lumbar puncture..all the things i've read about but have yet to do

and soon enough i'll have to

 

eeeek

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geez

MY FIRST DAY OF WORK TOMORROW~!!

 

 

i.am.freaking.out

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Induction day 11

today i filled up the bath tub with water and i went 'floating' in it – one of the advantages of being vertically challenged..having ample space in a standard sized bath tub -__-

and today Kalpana led me to do yoga on the beach. it was heavenly eventho there were some stretches we couldnt remember and some poses we couldnt do.. having the sea breeze blowing and the sound of the waves hitting the sands..it was so so relaxing.

too bad we didnt think of doing it earlier.

 

just a few more days left, more exactly 4 days.

and tomorrow's our day off cause we'll be having an exam on thursday.

 

 

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Induction day 10

it's f***** early in the morning and we are already here in the hall waiting for someone 'important' to come. had 30mins after morning exercise to get ready before we were told to assemble in the hall..and this 30 mins includes breakfast

-____-

i dont have much internet time because we are either at the beach or trying to squeeze whatever little sleep time we have when we are free.

 

im okay i guess, but im still hoping for a miracle…

 

gtg

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Induction day….6

i gave my compulsory speech last night, it was entitled 'Nationalism' , phewww im just so glad it's over. Have i mentioned that it's in Bahasa Melayu and not in english? 😮

 

and i ate my first 'out-of-hotel' food last night – Ramly burger…yumyum, thanks to Didie!

urgh im homesick and i havent been getting enough sleep i hate being half awake all the time 😦 I JUST WANT TO GO HOME , counting the days till ermm next saturday.. *sigh*

 

 

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how could you be like that

im so sad, so so sad i cant even think

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